years to come

It's whole new year again..n nothing to brag about..i hate new year apart from being a year older...new year resolution..none..except on continuing last year wishlist..

left alone by myself during new year...thanks a lot for making my life miserable..i hate u...

not that i even care on celebrating it..it's just the feeling of loneliness that i hate..not that i didn't try to do anything on that day..in which i haven't actually....i did nothing except for cooking myself dinner..n followed by series of movies to which i fall asleep to it....stupid boring me...

and the day of the new year..which is like yesterday didn't even sparks my life..not even a tiny weeny bits...it's just making my life more and more miserable..it's like I don't want to believe in anything and anybody..people just make me crazy....i wish u could just leave me alone and never even bother about me..as if i'm never born..i'll be glad if u treat me that way..so that u wont make my life more miserable than it is now..don't even pretend that u care cause i know that u never did....n how i wish u never did..u have some other child to think about..so leave me alone and never ever bother about me..i hate u..i hate u for bringing me to life..i wish i was never born..then u'll live happily ever after..

u'll never blessed me with anything so is there any other reason why i should be living now...none..no reason whatsoever.. i will not pretend anymore..if you are not happy with what i am today..just leave me alone..disgrace me if u want..i don't care..go find another good daughter for all I care..cause i just don't freaking care anymore...u make my life freaking miserable..and don't be sorry if u don't see me long enough in this world..u'll be glad about it..and please go and thank god for banishing me from your life..cause that will be my wish for this year..

happy new year..n God bless u...

2.2 lbs less

So yeah..i've started on my way to kurusness....in which I started approximately less than 2 weeks ago...and guess what..I weigh my self yesterday night...2 lbs less...nampak banyak sket hilang if I put it in pounds rather than kg...hahaha...so yeah..mayb SDII works kot..I've started it before a while ago but i stop...manage to loose 2kg in 2 weeks...so now I'm more motivated to continue again with this thing...

Anyhow..all the best to me...n hope that I stick with this..

as time pass us by...

new year..new thoughts..new rambling..and obviously not so new resolution as i don't think i ever achieve any resolution that i ever made...accept for the one that i wrote in paper and where i threw in anywhere...well yeah...accept for that...a list where i follow...what should i do next...moving forward..any idea?...

as of now..nothing much accept wishing that i could overhaul my entire wardrobe...well i have to write that down..or else i will forget it and i wont do it..but then again..anyhow..

overhaul to have all dresses instead of boring working shirt..phewwww..

.

I will try to achieve this one other that trying to loose extra2 pound..in which i will do that also.
Apart from that...I will try to make myself more wiser in term of spending and life...in which i totally failed at..and planning for more soon..

I just realize that I don't really have any motive here..just a place where i can put my fingers to work or..I'll think of something later...

the very least...

the very least you can do for me just to be happy with what i am now...it's not that i will not improve myself in which I'm trying to do each and everyday...but the very least that i ask for u..is just be happy for me..at least I'm happy and why can't u just see that...I'm not complaining about anything and why should u...not asking anything for u at all..just for u to accept it and just have faith in me...but u just can't seems to do that at all...all u ever think is what people say and what's your status going to be like...do u think i even care...

this is not the first time..and i promise u that this will be the last time..i will not surrender to whatever demand that you have nor following whatever orders you may say.

I'm not asking for your money..I just want a simple goddamn blessing..if this is so hard for u to give...just go and find another daughter that will simply follow your rules.

And trust me..as long as I may live I will do whatever I want with whoever I want..

I will always be with him no matter how harsh your words or action to me.. despise me if u want..I couldn't care less..as long as I'm happy with him..that's all that should matter most to u...

.show me.

i need a sign..and the rest shall follow through..

God bless..

pening....

pening kepala...haishh..

rambling thought.

It's been a while since the last time I wrote..I've been fasting for a week now...or more..keeping myself buzy at work..as if I got a lot of things to do..a lot of things to think..been helping out my mum n bro before he leave town..which is 4 days from now...I'll be missing him for sure..n I'm not sure how much I'll be crying to see him leave..not that I've send him leave before..well..I cry even just to sent him back to Penang..but now it's different..he'll be going away for quite some time...n never in my life I imagine it to see my lil brother being flown away to a different continent..anyhow..I'll be doing that so..just have to keep a brave heart.

As for my life....it's been suck all year round ( nothing personal...just business)...I'm figuring out how to change my life..but still couldn't find a way to change it yet..but still I do believe it that my fate will change..n I just have to believe more n work harder..

So just a few updates in my life..Shelly is already happily married..Ayu...baby on the way..Ain & Syu & Enya..business ladies..Ju. & Pia..still cheerful as the last time I met them..

Fna...havent met her for a while..keep finding dates on when to spend time with her..have to remind my self over n over again...(ps; dear darling..not that I forget u k...)..n btw Ima also engage...my God..I still alone..

I've been missing a lot I guess..for not being a good friend..a good daughter..a good girlfriend..

A lot of people play in mind right now..Jaja..Nadz..n few others more...just can't figure out what,when,how n why or even where to start of...

n I have to work tomorrow..urrghhh..

till then..i speak nonsense..n nobody should care bout that..

toddles...